Full Time Job: My New Role as a Taxpaying Jerk

Now that I've joined the American workforce as a 9-5 deskjobber, I've found that even in the most mature phase of my life thus far, I've sunk to the lowest realm of immaturity inside my head. I've come to realized that, unless you're really cut out for the exact dayjob you have, full time jobs of this kind are really nothing more than a really morbid day-camp for adults; a concentration camp where people help other people make money basically in return for being able to eat and pay rent. Not to expound on a classic Dr. Carey conspiracy theory, but it has become clear that government and religion have fostered the overpopulation of our species so that the idea of of having a skill and using the barter system to co-exist with our fellow man has been replaced by everybody being plugged into a desk where their warm body and basic knowledge of langauge and math are used to generate a little money for themselves and lots of money for the government (and for the basket at church). When I got my first paycheck, I noticed that it was a good 150 dollars less than what I had been led to believe. My mom said it was something called taxes, and she said, "basically you work one day a week for the government" and I said, "well here's hoping it was wednsday, cuz I nothing done that day!"... and then I cried.

The thing I do is sales, but what we really do is purchase parts from other companies like ourselves and sell them to the companies that happen to know about us instead of the companies we buy from. There's a company in Chile that askes us for parts alot because they sell those parts to other companies in Chile. We in turn go to our vendors and ask a company in Germany to give us a price for those parts that Chile is looking for. Germany then talks directly to the factories that make these parts and gets a price from them. Many times, Germany's factory will be in Chile, and it very well could be a factory on the other side of town from the one that asked our Chilean counterpart for the parts that we 'have'. So basically it's a depraved Tim Burton wet dream where money and time go into a blender and out comes a coctail of business and markup that has all the governments high fiving each other and all the employees going home as empty shells of prior men who can't bring themselves to do anything to improve their lives other than drink a beer and watch Raymond.

The other day at work I realized that there's a game I can play that can help the day go by faster and, in a strange way, sorta let me play God. I call this game, "Don't Look at the Clock". It's a mind game where every time I'm temped to look at the clock, I mentally restrain myself. It gets kinda fun considering there's a clock on my computer screen at all times. This game actually helps me shred through time the way time itself shreds through a human life. It was during a heated match of Don't Look at the Clock--during which I was totally wailing on my previous day's score--when I realized that God himself was in on the aforementioned conspiracy involving the elimination of the barter system. I know you're thinking that I already said religion was in on it, but don't even try to pretend that religion and God are on the same team. There's a different reason God wanted to do away with the barter system to make way for currency and the economic desk-job system as we know it today. If you've ever had one of these lifestyles you know that what it basically is, is in return for 30 or 40 g's a year you agree to have your body and mind plugged in for a third of the time during your week. The side effects or fine print, if you will, says that you'll have to spend another third of your week sleeping so that you'll be able to increase the value of your time plugged in, and the final third of your week will be almost impossible to enjoy because of your knowledge of the first third. Correct. Basically God wants us to be more comfortable with the thought of leaving this world because he wants our souls. God doesn't want us worshipping nature and enjoying the planet. He doesn't want us taking only what we need, and killing our food reverently and celebrating life with the spirits of the animals whose bodies we just ate for sustainence. He doesn't want us creating art; song and dance and literature that helps us relate to each other and understand the immutable essence of purity, texture, and the infinite. He doesn't want us being excellent to each other, he wants us to charge a 40 percent markup to a small factory in Chile being run by a man trying to feed his 36 kids. He wants us to commit a blinding suicide in submission to him, whether it be instantaneous, or over a period of 40 years with the pain of our souls grinding away at the millstone (I would like to point out at this point that I'm typing this on one of those keyboards where there's a split in the middle and the keyes are tilted at an agle... I always thought that they would be hard to learn and a pain in the ass to type with but to be honest I find it quite comfortable...); killing ourselves with booze, aids, skydiving and television just so we can force ourselves to feel good for a little while. He wants to create the illusion that he's the best alternative and we need him, so that he can get our souls. Well I say eff that, he's not getting my soul. I'm God now, how do you like that? I'm also the devil too because only Satan thinks he is God's equal.

Holy shit I just realized I'm a satanist, thanks alot dayjob...

1 comment:

Paul Tsikitas said...

I like you ryan carey. Add me to your links, biatch. And I like where your head's at.