I think I finally decided why I need to be a writer... It was a two fold realization that started last night while listening to Live at the Writer's House on WXPN radio, and culminated while reading Denise Maher's blog where she was babbling about grad-school struggles and I spotted the phrase "letters of reccomendation". As soon as I saw that phrase, I imediately thought, "oh why couldn't I be someone slightly important or influential so I could write that crazy broad a letter of reccomendation!" Imagine how fun it would be to tell someone in writing why they should hire/accept another person. Without any specific points in mind I imagined the curiosity, intrigue, excitment, concern, and general difference in their day some administrator would be facing when reading my reccomendation. And in a wave of bizarre emotion I realized why I need to write.
There's a life-force within words that magically creates feelings inside the souls of humans. Granted, in 2005 the slings and arrows of regularity have dulled somewhat the magic one feels when reading something he or she can relate to. But I feel the need to touch this life-force and relate to fellow humans in an interesting way because in an age (22, raised catholic) when I struggle to maintain spirituality and a sense of life in a world where religion makes me wanna kill my family, this life-force is essentially my God.
For those of you who are still with me, and putting two and two together, your correct in your suspicion that it is egomaniacal vanity. Imagine the selfishness of someone who wants to write so that he can basically play God by creating God. Everywhere. Music, plays, sketches, films. And my enemies are Shakespeare, Allen, Carlin, Socrates, Oswalt, Downie, Hartley, Volpe, Cornell, Hicks, and Claypool. They are the douches that created Gods far more important than anything I'll ever do, but at the same time they were the Frankensteins who created the God-monger within me. My need to relate to people and cause people to relate to each other in ways that exfoliate their future is all part of the natural human drive to create life. And as I lay in bed typing this on a laptop whose wireless signals are frying my sack as we speak, ruining future generations of charitable life-obsessed God-spazzes, I look forward to the future, these are very exciting times! Next time you're out, stop and drink to the celebration of the life-force that is created everytime words forge a relationship between two people or between humanity and the infinite. And I know we've been overusing Ben Gibbard's quote to the point of borderline cliche, but this quote has come to embody my mission statement: "I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd". Everywhere, at all times. Whether I'm writing it or reading it or saying it or hearing it, I want the nature of our relating to each other to be the quintescence of joyous existence. Sorry about this first blog entry being sorta lofty and pointless. I promise that in the future I'll be addressing more practical ironies. Bye.