Human Perspective: Motion, Memory, Proximity and Fantasy.

(Please note that this was written at 3 am while intoxicated, and upon reading it the next day I found it to be even more borring than my average post, so, using an online resource, I took the liberty of translating one of the paragraphs to Dutch, and then back into English, and then to German, and then back into English again. Lets see if I’m normally so incoherent that you won’t even be able to figure out which paragraph it is.)

It's interesting how physical objects occupying space and time bounce off one another. The baby boomers have it sorta lucky in a certain sense.. Everybody wants to belong to a club of some kind... How is it that an expansion team like the Carolina Panthers or the Jacksonville Jaguars already have stadiums full of fans? Because people like their own city name on a team, similar to when the singer at a concert says, "Yea philly!" or "Hello Wisconsin!" Often I wonder, who really gives a shit about where you live? I just drove through Delaware, and as I saw the towns I was going through, I thought to myself, "Man... this could be ANYWHERE".... That's going to be Deleware's new state motto. Deleware: This Could be Anywhere... But yet at the comedy show I just emceed, were were like, Deleware, what's up! And they were like, "BOOYAH! DELEWARE ROCKS!"... And it occurred to me that people just really love camaraderie. Essentially, people just really love other people. They love common ties that bind. The baby boomers are the only generation of people that, due to historical events, have an entire civilization's-worth of people that were born the same year, due to post-war-coiting. People talk about generation X or whatever but Baby Boomers are really the only generation in the truest sense of the word because generally people are getting born all the time, everywhere.. Baby boomers were the only people who almost literally had everybody in their generation actually be tied to a certain event causing their birth at a given time.... it's funny, going through grade school you were almost always going to be best friends with the kids who you were in the same grade with. Other kids that you were friends with that weren't in the same grade as you... You lived NEAR them.

Basically, what it all comes down to is that all of us are just floating around in time and space and have friends that happen to exist in the same x and y axis as us. I know I don't have many friends outside of my physical area, and even fewer friends outside of my timeline...

Now the other side of these coins is not have permitted, that I entire many friends not those families members its..., do not love has that I, or problems with entire many families members either. I am kind knowledge with almost each of them, but because I was shares of the friendship with others, that I find, have excellent qualities, to have, is my expanded families members who sharpen simple kind stoppers in the zelda games cards of my life.

By the way, before I move on to an actual point, I should stop and talk about the zelda map for a minute. A few months ago, I stood on the hill beside Starters pub with Cobra Genesis and a good fucken buzz, and confessed my interest in a Zelda game-like fantastical view of life as being more essential than actual reality. And it's true. I've always lived in a fantasy world, and today I have no problem admitting that I cherish fantasy far more than reality. And those things in reality that I really do love; they just happen to be fantasy-come-true.

To this date, the best moment of my life that I can think of is from a Pearl Jam show at the tweeter from 2003, where during Half Full, during the jam at the end where Eddie screams, "Won't someone save the world?" and holds a mirror over his head reflecting a sharp spot-light out into the crowd like a light-house search beacon desperately combing for an individual with such greatness and potential for movement that they will be able to fight the powers of greed and spread love to the hearts of the ignorant... And on this particular concert, I in the audience, was the very first person who was hit with this beam of light witch goes out randomly into the crowd... I thought, maybe in some way I can move others to spread greatness and excellence, just as pearl jam tries to do... but the thing is that eddie vedder lives in a fantasy world... He drinks his bottle of wine, screams his lungs out, bangs his tambourine, and goes home... The real world is goddless and cold and a real cock in the eye, but the fantasy world is Pearl Jam playing Hard to Imagine live at the wachovia center last year… which one of those two scenarios do you think I'll take. If true excellence is just a fantasy, and the syncopated localized examples of excellence that really exist are just fantasy-come-true... Then I have no problem devoting my full attention to the ideals of fantastical excellence.

I've begun to notice that whenever I'm dreaming, and something from the outside world affects what happens in my dream... There's something in my dream that leads up to it. Let me try to make more sense. If I were to hear what sounds like the crack of a baseball bat in the real world while I'm sleeping and dreaming, my dream will be that a batter was up to bat and wound up and hit one out of the park. Even though the sound clearly would have came first before sound-related in-context dream began. My subconscious implants a remembered dream around the sound to make it fit in. It's hard to come up with specific examples of this somewhat regular type of occurrence. When I noticed this about dreams, it made me wonder if I look forward to the possibility of having Alzheimer's (sp?) some day or not. Because obviously it's no fun to not be able to connect with reality. At least for those around you. But the only reason we have to believe that we're alive or to know who we are is memory. Not for nothing, but people really don't give memory the stock it deserves as an essential part of our life-force. People with Alzheimers who think they're in a different time and place, still have frames of reference for those times and places. A good example of what I'm talking about is this. A few months ago I saw a picture of myself at a younger age and I was standing in some auditorium. It occurred to me that I had literally no clue where that was or why I was in the picture. The only reason I knew it was me is because it looked like me and it was with other pictures of me. But the issue? If I don't remember being there or taking the picture... not only did I essentially never really do that, but more awkwardly that kid in the picture essentially was not me... sure, it was an older me that doesn’t remember but since I can't put a time or place on... it was not me. I don't identify with it, so essentially it wasn't the Ryan that I know.

I love how when we are moving and watching objects that are stationary, the object close to us will appear to move much faster than the one that's far away. The far away one has not been able to move past us and is still just as distant to us, basically. I also like how physical objects are bigger when they are closer, so too in life, people are often bigger influences on our life when they are closer to us. It’s an axiomatic truism, which as you can see makes for piss-poor blogging, but it is something to stop and think about. We purposely get close to those who we feel have excellent qualities, and those people give us increasing momentum as they grow closer. It’s a lot how like a figure skater will spin faster when her extremities are huddled close in.
So here’s to the excellent qualities of others… Here’s to those who may or may not have excellent qualities, but we still cheer at the same time as them because they’re wearing the jerseys of the same sports team as us. Here’s to the fantasy world in which many of us are quite comfortable living in. Here’s to our identity and our lives which are held together by the precious glue of our memory.

Here’s to each other.


j. leo said...

aaah god, how can I answer all of this....

1. 3rd paragraph. no, it's pretty easy to spot. you still have gramamr skills at 3 am... plus no contractions.

2. carolina and jacksonville were already hotbeds for college football, and they had been told for several years that they would have a team, and they had to fork over tax dollars for those new stadiums... so it wasn't like someone just randomly showing up one day...

3. thanks for the call last night... my girl really wants to meet you... i told her you were the most "out there" of my lasalle friends, a true mutant never having been considered for mass production, and she said "i thought they were all kinda like that..."

... it's true!!

Sara said...

You're amazing. <3

Jessica said...

Hey Ryan, hope things are going well! I just found your journal so I thought I'd say hi, as oppose to just linking to it and you having no idea. Okay, and I'm done now.