Friday, April 27, 2007

In love with plans and shackled to the damned...

Evolution is actually God's sexiest work.

We consider evolution to be a perfect mathematical machine. It may not always be fast-acting, but hey... Nothing's Perfect! The end result is always favoritism. It's gambling. Evolution works WITH arithmetic to weed out imperfections inside deoxyribonucleic acid. And by imperfections, I mean information which makes an organism a less idea match with its environment. It saddens me to say that a beautiful, strong, well voiced and very likeable human may not have as good a survival advantage when dwelling in the cold of ante artica... but a furry, short round grunting Eskimo is good to go. Isn't that something, how nature says to humanity, "You're not the only one who can arbitrarily choose favorite traits.!" There’s a lot we can learn from a sperm bank.

Every sperm donation center that I've come across accepts sperm donations only from gentlemen with college degrees. Odd, the one thing that nature and humanity seem to agree on: Intelligence is ALWAYS preferable to stupidity. That is, except where happiness is concerned.

Unhappiness is simply not strong enough a survival deterrent to overcome the other survival benefits of great intelligence. The cliché` Ignorance is Bliss, despite being insanely true in an alarmingly relevant and scientifically cogent way, is simply not enough to create a survival advantage for those morons who don't commit suicide because they think their lives and the world are doing fine. [Sometimes, these folks end up in the Darwin Awards by virtue of their lack of consideration for the physical properties of matter.] The super-geniuses that kill themselves or die of pancreatic cancer (an affliction that startlingly seems to affect those titans who spend multiple decades enjoying the decadence of over-indulgence, perhaps as a means of fending off the natural unhappiness that comes with great intelligence) don't particularly harm the gene pool with their lack of being in it--because their profundity is usually artistic in nature rather than some field whose understanding props humanity up for extra-longevity.

With the arbitrary nature of nature's own assessment of good and bad traits (i.e. depending solely on the environment), one might start to see evolution's ruling law of the universe as a speech of nihilism, channeling Prince Hamlet's own words to Rosencrantz and Gildendstern, "Nothing is either good nor bad, but thinking makes it so...". This decree (that there is no essential beauty, justice, good or bad) reeks of atheism.

HOWEVER, there is one department where evolution seems to have simply flunked. One area where someone studying evolution as proof of atheism has to just scratch his head. It's a little embarrassing to say it, so I'll spell it out for you. Sex. When it comes to the arguments surounding this area of designing life, evolution seems to have let God slip right in through the back door. The earliest, youngest, and most original forms of life on this planet were simply one-celled organisms. These organisms survived by dividing. What efficiency! Those early cells that could not perform the mitotic rituals necessary to reproduce simply died out. Eventually these micro-organisms grew in complexity and sophistication, and started their evolutionary journey towards today.

But oh my, what's this? At some point in history, practically all the life on earth suddenly requires a union with another compatible member of its species in order to have a CHANCE to reproduce? I think I speak for the entire crew of the HMS Beagle when I say, "Double-You Tea Eff??" I've been quite a gambler in my day and I think the basic mathematical rule of probability shrugged off a big one here. On one hand, you have older species where each organism can reproduce BY ITSELF... and the later down the line, the more EVOLUTIONARILY ADVANCED version of this species--which, in every other way imaginable is BETTER SUITED to survive and reproduce--suddenly requires a nagging whore to bear its seed if it wants even a SHOT at reproduction? Talk about making survival a wild goose chase for no reason! Now, I not only need the luck of being born with traits which suit my environment, but now I need a account if I want to even dream about passing my sweet traits on? That's a kind of absurdity that evolution just ain't all about. Only one sick frat-boy is so deranged that he would have established coitus as a mandate for proliferation. And his name is G-O-D.

And what's the biggest irony of all this? There's only one kind of person who, as a rule never ever have sex. The Clergy! Sex may be the one actual piece of irrefutable evidence He exists, and the clergy isn't supposed to have any part of it? Why do you think all those weird Freemason founding father rituals looked like I guess the priest prefers to stay behind the camera. The only difference between a priest and a pornographer is that a pornographer has to pay income tax.

So let me summarize.

Absurdity = Sex + Evolution = God

Therefore by transitive property...

God = Absurdity

This is why I've been worshiping Absurdity for years, and I've always enjoyed it when people make no sense. The biggest attack against the idea of a diety is that "it's just not logical". But logic isn't always godless; it needs to be combined with sexuality in order to yield divinity. Without intercourse, logic is certainly as secular as it gets, and a great way to deal with issues unrelated to the divine. But we have to face the facts. There's absolutely nothing logical about getting laid, and there never has been.


Ian Sanders said...

I think it must have been a rant because of the lack of being laid (hint -... need some nagging whore to bear his seed...) but other than that comment I tell you what, it did make me think.

j. leo said...

I don't even know what to say anymore.

Did you see Idiocracy? The first ten minutes or so of that relate to the agrument. Kind of.

Paul Tsikitas said...

Isn't that right, Precious?

Steve said...

It's actually Lipendectomy

Marginal Minds said...

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