Narrating the Pre-Apocalypse: Jim Breuer

Jim Breuer talks rapture, Dave Chapelle, a hypothetical Half Baked sequel and other harbingers of the end times.

I asked Jim for his thoughts on the May 21st rapture.

I got three kids, elderly parents, I can't think ahead three minutes from now, I don't know what's lurking around the corner. The last thing I need to worry about is someone who depicts a part of the bible saying it's all ending tomorrow. Nobody knows anything. There's no predictions for anything, nobody knows anything. That's just what it is. Zero. Nobody knows. You can read a Koran, a Bible... whatever a Buddhist reads, inside and out. It's so vague. Well, it says that--NO IT DOESN'T! It's like when you sit down with a psychic, "Well, she knew the name of my dog!" No, dummy, you told her without knowing it. They go vague and you wanna believe it. There's no predictions, otherwise you'd know when the next volcano or earthquake is hitting.

At the end of the day, I always say it's one of two things. It's either A) a publicity stunt to get you involved, which is clever and genius... Or B) a hidden agenda of people who DON'T want you to have faith, to make faith look stupid. (mason shit?)... You just never know. You never know. It could be! What a great way to smear anyone's spirituality and faith by making it look bad and stupid. So you get an evangelist, and you expose him for his sexual deeds. As long as professional wrestling still exists and people believe it's real, I can't put anything past people's minds.

Does Jim think there will ever be a half-baked sequel?

Honestly, no. I remember Dave Chappelle, after Half Baked came out, he said, "They've been really hounding us to do another one." And maybe I am at fault, I said, "That is gonna go down as one of the greatest cult films ever, don't ruin it with another one. Wait till we're about 50 or 60 years old. THEN you got a whole different concept, we can all be grandparents who are these straight-edge, corporate guys, brilliant Wall Street execs... and then we all go back to our roots!"
Narrating the Pre Apocalypse
"I'm one of those people who are so smart that I'm uncomfortable in this world, and I'm scared to live"- Dave Chappelle

I haven't heard from Dave, I don't know what he's doing anymore. I don't know if he's left show-business for good. I haven't heard from him in 3 years. I reached out to him recently, but he's never reached out to me. Which is... I don't know... it's odd that I don't hear from him because I consider him a really good friend. Dave was also a guy that, he never got to live life at all. I stressed that a lot to him, especially when he had kids. Dave never got to enjoy life. When he was a kid, 16 years old, he was out of his house. All he knew was show-business. And he was ripped off a lot. He was taken advantage of a lot. There's some really dark ugly sides to our business. And when you're young and coming up in show-business, it's really easy to be taken advantage of. And Dave was REALLY taken advantage of. There were some pivotal moments in his life and career that took some really bizarre turns and hits. By the time he came out with that show, we all knew he was that funny and that brilliant. Who knows what was in his head, but it wasn't that pleasant for him. I remember before it all went down, he talked to me. Here he is, probably the most successful show in history, for such a short-lived show on CC. He got a $50 million dollar deal for two seasons. Seinfeld wasn't even offered that for 5 or 6 seasons. He'd say, "Jim, these people never stop, they don't let me breathe..." He always wanted to be free. He just had enough. He wanted to relax and enjoy life. I always tipped my hat to him. $50 million, not worth it. I'd rather go home and watch my kids grow up. I think that's a mortal situation. Then they paint him as a wacko cuz a lot of investors go, "I just paid millions for that negro to be funny, what happened?" And people go, "Uh, he's on drugs..."

Favorite flick from the last few years is...

The Hangover. I must have watched that 20 times.

Thoughts about the sequel coming out?

Ehhh, I don't know... anytime they're making another one, 98 percent of the time, they're going for the cash. First go-round, you're driven by the artist and to make people laugh. The second time around, you're driven by money. And that usually makes a poor product. But I'm gonna have my hopes high for it. Also, people don't realize, there was no expectations for the first film. People didn't know those guys. Now, everybody knows all of them, and expectations are VERY high. They're really gonna have to pull something off for number two.

Worst sequels?

Blues Brothers 2000 was pretty bad. But the ultimate number one... Arthur. How do you take one of the greatest funny classic characters... When you watch that original... DON'T TOUCH IT! I don't care who this guy is... are you KIDDING ME???

Also, Friday. I think if they never made another Friday, the real Friday would also be looked at similar to Half Baked. I much have watched that 50 times, before all the sequels.

Although, at the end of the day, you are doing it to get paid unfortunately. You see it mostly in those super crazy big-budget things and the sequels and prequels. Listen, if I were in The Hangover, sign me up for 2, 3, 4, and 5. The mission was done. Half Baked, I got just over a hundred thousand dollars. I don't really get royalties, it was my first movie. A second one, I could have got around 5 million. I do gigs, I'm guilty. Look at the Anti-Social Network comedy tour, those guys are hilarious but they do this different type of material than I do. But look at the money! Yea I'd rather make in one 20 minute set the same I'd make doing 7 shows at a city club!

On the end-times for modern man?

We started out with flaps over our willies, hunting bugs and mud huts. It kicked ass for thousands and thousands of years. There's still a few left out in Africa. It's gonna end with the same type of living. It started raw, it's gonna end raw. The only way WE could end it is some jackasses trying to blow everything up. I don't THINK we're gonna get there. But the other thing is that when God's had enough, he's gonna blow some snot rocket at us and blow this planet right out of the solar system *hock's a sound effect loogie*. All done. It's over. That's when you realize you really have no control of anything. When you see a freaken tsunami tidal wave coming at you, when you see the Earth just swallow you during an earthquake... You realize you're really a grain of salt. We're so self-driven, we really think we're everything. We're in control. We can affect this and that and change all this. At the end of the day, you got no control of nothing. The only thing you have control is--maybe--your bowel movement... and when to drink that coffee to get that thing moving.$$

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