PODCAST TRANSCRIPTS: Greg Proops on Truffle Salt

I don't know if you've ever booted heroin in your eyeball with the dali-lamma while butterflies swirled around your head and a pink waterfall made effervescent drinks for your and your friends that was served by a lizard king. But that's what that truffle salt is like. I was H-I...G-H on the truffle salt... It's really hot stuff. It's like, you know how when you look at pictures of flowers sometimes like an orchid or some yawning tropical thing, and there's an enormous red stamen coming out of it covered with fur that's clearly reproductive powder, and you see them swaying gently in the hibiscus scented tradewind. It's that kind of boner, you know what I mean? A lovely, lyrical, lilting, lavender boner that tilts towards the object of its desire. Not a threatening, rapey, Cro-Magnon, take control, "never listen to women" boner that's insensitive and doesn't want to snuggle. But a really caring boner that makes a bower and brings gifts. "How did you carry that gold chalice?" That kind of erection is the one I'm talking about.

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